#i wrote this while heavily medicated don't @me

[rabbithaver]

silver's first experience with cold weather must have been something.

he looks up, taken aback for a moment by the ashes falling from the sky. surely he would have smelled the smoke?

he realizes that these flecks of ash are freezing cold and disappear after just a moment on his fur. and then he remembers the stories he'd heard the hardened and grizzled survivors shared at meetups... tales of snow passed down from person to person for 200 years, only a memory in his own timeline; in a world of fire and ash, such a thing is unimaginable.

yet here it is, in this moment, drifting down from the clouds and blanketing the ground.

it's the most beautiful thing silver has ever seen.

[often-daydreaming]

A Quick Chat

'Absolutely not!'

'I'm just gonna talk with him!'

Following the quickly escalating shouts down to the Batcave Bruce found Dick and a heavily armed Tim at each other's throats while their siblings oh so helpfully egged them on.

They were arguing about Wally and their last universal saving mission for some reason and Tim had nearly every contingency he could think of to handle a speedster on him.

-nna talk, that's it!'

'Then you can leave the gear here!'

'What's going on?'

All of his children froze, finally realizing he was here before they started shouting over each other.

'You remem-'

'-ick's trying to-'

'Father Dr-'

'-ng crazy, just because the universe re-'

'Enough!'

'Now, can someone tell me what's going on or do I have to get Alfred?'

And Jason was happy enough to tell him. 'Replacement's pissed because we finally discovered a pretty big difference with the universe after the League hit the reset button.'

Multiple screens on the Batcomputer held information on new heroes, a Junior JLD and everything Tim could dig up on two individuals. The first one was Phantom, a new addition to the Titans and had a number of detailed conspiracy theories tracking his appearances through time while the other held the detailed background information of a recently graduated Daniel James Fenton. Tim had dug up everything from his kindergarten grades to... Oh... Oh no... That explains why they were arguing about Wally.

Most of Daniel's latest online post covered his move to Gotham, his new job offer working in their engineering department and his new boyfriend Bernard. Looking at it all made it painfully easy to piece together that... 'They stole my life!'

And Dick and Tim were arguing again but Bruce knew it wouldn't get too heated and focused his attention on the gathered information. It was easy to see that a number of encounters his kids (mainly his oldest three) should have had with the Titans were adjusted just enough to fit Phantom now and Tim's involvement with the Children of Dionysus had been shifted around to involve Daniel in this new universe.

'-e universe reset doesn't mean you can ruin their lives. Phantom seems like a good kid.'

'Dowd would have left you eventually.'

Dick had to hold Tim back from launching himself at Damien while Jason and Steph stood by egging the two of them on, but then Tim got that look in his eye when Duke brought up the idea of reintroducing himself and everyone noticed.

'No.'

'Come on. Tim, you don't need another restraining order.'

'But it didn't happen in this universe so it doesn't count.'

'It counts if we still remember it!'

But Tim wasn't listening, too busy changing out of all of his gear as a plan quickly started forming together in his mind.

Why waste time with Wally when he can just as easily win over the new couple while ignoring everything else he's learned from his friends.

He'd figure it out one mess at a time. After he won Bernard back he'd figure out the situation between Red Robin and Phantom.

-_- -_- -_-

Reading over the sticky note Danny couldn't help but wonder what Clockwork meant when he wrote 'Have Fun'.

Again, I blame my medication for this, but this came from a couple of different prompts about Tim, Bernard and Danny and I just sort of went with it. Basically the main roster of the League has to stop (Pick a threat) and end up resitting the universe again. The problem is they still remember the old universe so they spend a week or two looking up any big changes and a sleep deprived Tim starts believing he barely knows Bernard in this universe when he's actually dating him and Danny. He just hasn't dug deep enough to figure out his own connection.

[milksuu]

Don't Worry. I'll Support You. | PT. 01

❥ prompt: Your HEARTSTEEL boyfriend has to undergo minor surgery, and they chose you to be their caretaker for the day. Let's see how they are before and after anesthesia. ❥ content/warnings: fluffy fluff, drugged behavior (all medically safe), mention of needles, mild profanity, minor angst ❥ characters/pairings: v!Heartsteel! (aphelios, ezreal, kayn) x girlfriend!reader

an: i don't know why this was tumbling around in my head. wow, this post got longer and longer the more i wrote. i swear I'll write for the other babes too.

APHELIOS

Unfortunately, this wouldn't be the first time Aphelios had to undergo surgery. Happened when they had to remove the nodule from his vocal cords. And he doesn't remember a single thing from that day. Alune took care of him at the time, but she never mentioned anything beyond how he slept most of the day (probably to spare him from embarrassment).

He appreciated you taking a day off work to take care of him and be his interpreter. He was fine with all his consents and paperwork. But when it came to more detailed questions concerning his medical history, he would have you translate his sign language to the medical staff. Thanks to you, the process went smoothly.

IV's were never fun to have. Especially when it had to be in the hand. Aphelios couldn't lie and say he wasn't nervous about it, despite his aloofness. But all he had to do was shift his eyes away for a moment, and look at your cute, bubbly face. He could tell you were rambling on trying to distract him, and he guessed it worked. By the time he looked down again, the IV was in. He denied the golden star sticker usually meant for the pediatric patients, but you took it for him as a momento.

When it was time for him to go into the OR, the medical team gave you two a moment. You slipped a hand into his and gave him two love squeezes. He smiled softly and gave three love squeezes back. A quick peck to his lips and you left to sit in the waiting room.

When he was brought to recovery and awake, you were taken to his bedside. When you stepped through the curtain, you saw him resting as if he were asleep at home. Slowly, he opened his eyes, glazed over with mild recognition. Although he felt lethargic, he signed sloppily with his hands.

Is this heaven?

You bit your bottom lip to keep from smiling too much. You shook your head and reminded him where he was.

Oh. Really? Because you look like an angel to me. And if they want you back up there. Forget it. I'm keeping you.

You covered your mouth to keep from giggling too loud. You weren't sure if he was being serious or actually trying to flirt with you. It wasn't common at all for him to be so corny, but you blamed the anesthesia for that. When the nurse came to the bedside, she went over discharge instructions while you held his hand. He kept giving you light squeezes and rubbing his thumb gently against your fingers. Just to make sure you wouldn't fly away. Of course, anytime you had to let go and sign a paper, he sighed heavily (almost a whine if he wasn't careful), until your hand floated right back for him to take. Then he was sighing with relief again.

While at home, it was just the same. Aphelios didn't want you to leave his side for even a moment. If he had his way, you'd be sleeping next to him, still holding onto his hand. You had to remind him many times that you had to take care of him, so no cuddles or naps just yet. You also had to remind him he needed to eat and take fluids after fasting for so long. If there was thing you knew, he was a picky eater. Aphelios seriously thought ketchup packets counted as a full meal and satisfied his daily fiber intake. Luckily, you were able to spoon feed him some soup with a couple of crackers.

After you had him take his first dose of medication, you could finally indulge him. You settled next to him in bed, and he took no time to wrap himself around you, nuzzling your chest. A small, sleepy smile formed against his lips. Maybe you weren't a real angel. But you couldn't convince him you weren't his heaven on Earth.

EZREAL

Oh, boy. This was the first time Ezreal had to have any kind of surgery. Even though it was supposedly minor, that didn't stop the nerves itching underneath his skin. Is it normal to be this nervous? He wasn't sure, but he tried his best to hide his chattering teeth behind a forced smile. He really didn't want you worrying about him more than you had too. You were already doing him a big favor by taking care of him. He just hoped he wouldn't be a wreck before and after.

Apparently, signing consent forms and answering medical questions became a challenge. His hand trembled so much, his usual confident signature looked like a preschooler forged it. And when it came to answering medical questions, he found himself stuttering, feeling like someone stuck cotton balls inside his mouth.

When it was time for the IV, his whole body was ready to collapse in on itself. Was it always so hot in here? Sweat dampened the top of his skin. W-What's the big deal anyway? Not like he was afraid of some tiny, sharp...needle....OK, the room was spinning now. Great—awesome. Man, he felt so lame.

Seeing the color drain from his complexion, his head drop back, and his eyelids fluttering close, you politely asked the nurse to give him a moment with you. She laid him down in the stretcher and brought you a wet cloth. Wiping at his damp face and neck, you rested a comforting hand against his heaving chest. "It's okay to be afraid, Ez. It's not easy to have surgery. You're brave for even being here." He shook his head weakly, clenching his eyes tight. "B-brave. Yeah right, babe. I mean, look at me. I'm practically comatose and the nurse barely even wrapped the tourniquet around my arm."

"Brave doesn't mean not being afraid of anything. It's doing something even knowing it's scary." Another wipe of his cheek and you planted a reassuring kiss. "There's no one braver in my eyes right now." Ezreal swallowed the ball of anxiety nested in his throat. A couple of more inhales and he gathered his remaining courage for the next step that had to be done.

You held his hand the entire time the nurse worked to get his IV started. You told him to close his eyes and take big breaths, and it would be over before he even knew it. He did as instructed, and just like you said, it was done. He admitted to you that it felt a bit itchy, but that he could deal with. Oh, but was it so worth it when the nurse offered him that golden star sticker. He slapped it on the chest of his gown like a badge of honor.

When the medical team arrived to take him in the stretcher, he gave you that million dollar smile and peace sign. Granted, you whispered to the anesthesiologist to give him some relaxing medication before he went in. The anesthesia provider was way ahead of you. When he started giggling, waving, and blowing kisses like he was out the sunroof of a limo driving down the boulevard—oh yeah. You knew he was feeling it.

When it was all over and they called you back to recovery, the nurse informed you he couldn't stop talking the moment he opened his eyes. And all that he was talking about was you. "Babe! Babe! I did it—I can't even believe it's over. I don't even remember them putting me to sleep. Crazy, right? Like, did I count down from ten? Did I make it to zero? I bet I made it to zero." He practically wiggled himself over the safety rails on the stretcher. You sweetly instructed him to keep still so that the nurses could get a decent blood pressure on him. "Okay. Okay. I'll be good. Promise." He forced himself to lay back, but that didn't last long. While the nurse was going over instructions, he was tugging on your shirt sleeve, calling your name, interrupting every moment wanting your attention. Apparently, he had a lot to say to you in the span of thirty-minutes you were separated.

When you arrived back home, by some miracle you were able to have him settled on the couch once you put on his favorite K-Drama. While sitting next to him (and making sure he didn't get up) he rested his cheek against the top of your head. "Thanks for everything, babe. Honestly, you make me feel like the bravest guy. Like Indiana Jones....or Captain Kirk...maybe even that...one actor from National Treasure...." before you could say anything back, you felt his body relax further into you. His light breaths signaling he dozed off seamlessly. With a warm smile, you pulled the blanket over the two of you, and snuggled closer before you joined him for a nap.

KAYN

GOD DAMN IT'S EARLY! Kayn wanted to shout when you woke him up for his 6AM arrival time. Instead, he grumbled, kicked on his crocks, and went in his pajamas. He was too tired to really argue and complain. He just wanted to get this done and over with so he could move on with his life.

Kayn didn't diddle-daddle with his forms and medical questions. He wanted to put on his gown, toss himself into the stretcher, and possibly get a few more winks before his surgical time. You sighed—this was going to be the longest hour before surgery.

Although still in a foul mood, Kayn eased a bit when you worked up a distracting conversation with him. And when the nurse came in to do his IV, Kayn didn't bother blinking. He probably stuck himself countless of times with other—probably sharper—and deadlier objects. Actually, he took it one step further. When the IV was inserted, just to mess with you (and the nurse), he made a loud, and seductive moan. You pinched his arm for startling the nurse. Poor thing didn't even know how to react to that nonsense. "Ow. Ow. Nurse—nurse, she's hurting me." He said, cowering away from you. "You deserve that for almost giving them a heart attack. What if they missed and had to stick you twice?" Kayn smirked, rubbing at his nipple line. "More of a good time for me, then." You rolled your eyes, begging for him to behave for the next half-hour.

When the surgeon came to the bedside, he discussed the procedure at length and a few expectations afterwards. When he finished, he asked if either of you had any questions. Kayn raised his hand like the serious kid in math class. "Yeah. Question, Dr. Shen. When can I have sex again?" You almost spat out the complimentary coffee the front staff so kindly gave you. You couldn't believe he had just asked that question so casually at...let's see.... 06:50 in the morning!

You apologized on his behalf, but Dr. Shen merely dismissed it. "That's quite alright. It's a fair question. And one I receive plenty of times from my male patients. Even ones well into their eighties, and surprisingly, nineties." Kayn nodded with a grin and you rubbed your warming forehead. Of course. What else would they bother to ask? The surgeon went on to say; "As far as any kind of exertional activities, that will all be discussed and cleared at your follow-up appointment in two weeks."

TWO WEEKS!? Kayn almost fainted right then in there. He looked at you with such concern, as if someone told him a Pentakill concert sold out before he could even buy a ticket. He reached over and grabbed your hand, holding tight. "Listen, kitten. I don't think I want this surgery anymore. Can we go home now?" You shook your head disapprovingly. After hearing such news, and you not bailing him out, Kayn sulked as if he was getting surgery to forever castrate him.

When it was time to take him, he begrudgingly let you kiss his cheek. Otherwise, he didn't reciprocate your affection. He tossed his chin away and said. "Whatever. Let's just get this crap over with." Once again, he had you shaking your head, and you apologizing to everyone in the room.

When the nurse came to bring you back into recovery, you noticed he was sleeping on his side, back turned to you. You wondered if he was still upset by the whole ordeal. When you reached out to touch his shoulder, he tensed, but slowly turned over. "Kayn. Are you feeling alright? If you're in pain, I'll tell the nurse—" Before you could finish, Kayn reached forward and grabbed you, pulling you into the tightest hug. You felt him bury his face into your neck and shoulder, hands desperately clinging to you.

"Oh, thank you, thank you." You heard him choke up. You brought a hand to gently comb through his hair, asking him what was wrong. He shook his head. "I...I don't know. I thought— just before everything went black—what if I never saw you again. And the way I acted before they took me..." he squeezed tighter, burying his sulking face deeper. "I'm sorry. I love you, okay? Just, trust me on that. Please."

"It's okay. I love you too," you hummed and stroked his back, continuing to assure him. "You don't have to worry anymore. It's all over. You're still here. The doctor said you did so good, and there were no complications." Pausing, you planted a kiss to the top of his head. "How about we get you dressed so we can go home, hm?" He nodded against your shoulder, and you helped the nurse dress him for discharge.

When you brought him home, Kayn wanted to do nothing but turn off the lights, close the blinds, and lay next to you in quiet darkness. Breathe you in, feel your warmth, and listen to the softness of your pulse against his ear. Focus on the fact that he was alive and you were alive with him—nothing else.

[obsidianpen]

These questions about Lightning make me wonder what direction you plan to take it. I know you don't use the same things in every story, which makes them so delightfully unique. This is just my wishful thinking for you to explore the prophecy more. I know that in the books the power that defeats V is love, but for some reason I feel like there's something more to it than that. Harry is the chosen one, and that could mean so many things. Jamie, have mercy on me and please tell me something about this new story of ours 🥺🥺

omggg what me ramble about my the plot of a fic im not writing? Please

okay so

SPOILERS in case I ever do get around to writing Lightning

Here’s what I know so far about how the beginning of the fic is going to go (and I may, ofc, change my min entirely):

Harry, a young auror in training, goes back by accident, due to a dark ritual involving the ring, an illegal time turner and human sacrifice that he Ron and Hermione attempt to bust on their own, ignoring ministry protocol. Things go very awry, Harry ends up in 1950 ish, alone. Oh and he has a ton of gold, thanks to an interaction Draco that happens earlier that day - how lucky

Harry carries a terrible blood curse with him, and knows immediately that this shit is going to kill him and soon if he doesn’t seek medical help. But he also knows that time traveling like he did, no matter the circumstances, will send probably him to Azkaban, if not off as a test subject to the DoM. He knows they’ll look into his memories if he comes off as suspicious at st mungos, because it’s a real dark curse, and he’s a horrible actor and he’s awful at Occlumency and he knows it, so

harry concocts a ridiculous plot that allows him to pull out alllllll of his memories but with a plan in place to get them back after his curse is lifted, and sets things up so he wakes up right outside st mungos, where he knows they’ll take care of him

he is well taken care of, the poor lamb, to be attacked on Christmas Eve!!! and spends a few days there, maybe makes some hospital friends who have also had their memories fucked with

they assume he was the victim of some awful mugging, and that the perpetrator wiped his memories after and did such a terrible job and that’s why Harry can’t even remember his own name (they deduce his first name is ‘Harry’ only because he wrote it on the inner tag on his robe beforehand; a healer tells him that next time he writes his names on his personal belongings, he ought to put his last name, too)

but he still has his wand - how lucky! So they tell him he should go to ollivanders, as it looks like one of his (man remembers every wand he ever sold, ten galleons says he’ll remember you)

so Harry does, and the moment he asks, ollivander’s face goes slack - he’s clearly been confounded. He goes into a back room, hands Harry a moleskin bag, and bows him out of his shop without another word.

Harry goes back to the room he’s renting, and it’s NYE btw, and he opens the bag to find a shit ton of galleons and two vials, both glowing silver, one so bright it’s almost blinding. There is a handwritten note on each one. ‘Before you died’ and ‘after you died’

another note reads something along the lines of, ‘hi Harry, these are all your memories. I’m not even sure if you should take them all back or not; it might be better if you didn’t. It’s not often you get a chance to start over. But I know you - ha - so you’ll definitely end up taking them back. Maybe think about it first. It’s not great. I think I’d take the do over. really, think about it. Oh, and while you’re considering it - avoid Knockturn alley.’

harry does indeed find this all ominous, and assumes he must have been a horrible horrible person. He probably stole all this gold! What if he killed people for it! So he takes his sad amnesiac self down to the Leaky and starts to day drink heavily as the new year approaches

he is friendly with the young bus boy named Tom, who swears he’ll be running that pub someday.

as if gets busier later in the day, quite crowded, Harry gets more depressed. At one point, half the bar seems to cheer when a new person arrives. harry looks. He’s tall. He’s very handsome. He immediately makes Harry’s mind go on high alert and he’s instantly anxious and doesn’t know why.

tom the busboy tells him that if he keeps staring like that, the bloke is going to notice. Sure enough, he does. Harry looks away and is having a crisis (why am I staring at that handsome man? Why do I keep calling him handsome? Am I gay, and I forgot? Wtf is wrong with me)

so he goes to leave, but Tom the bus boy got busy, so he shouts to get his attention so he can say goodbye to his bestie. “Tom!”

”…Yes?”

wrong Tom. Harry is suddenly eye to eye with the very tall very handsome very scary man. He’s staring down at him, looking confused. “Have we met…?”

harrys body acts without his consent. He moves in ways he did not know he could move - in a flash he has his wand out, pointed at this man’s temple, has him backed up against a wall, his elbow across his throat, pressing on his windpipe.

about a dozen people around them are ready to kill Harry at once, but mystery tall man calls them off with the barest gesture. Harrys heart is pounding and he is having all these horrible confusing thoughts, like ‘should tear his head off, lock him up, stop him now, ruin him’

And he’s looking right into his eyes while thinking all these things, so TR is just drinking it all in, unbeknownst to him

Owner of the bar yells at harry. Harry, so very confused and too guilty and panicked to even apologize, just leaves. he goes somewhere far away for a bit… and decided to take the first vial of his memories then

mental crisis ensues

aaaaaaand I actually have a lot more than that semi planned but that’s the exposition 🥲

[baby-yongbok]

You & Me

Han Jisung x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, idol

✨️Masterlist✨️

Warnings: mentions of wanting to die. (It's just for a second, I swear), Themes of a breakup/ ended relationship

Word Count: 1,460

Note: As soon as I heard Miserable (You & Me) I knew that I had to write based off of the lyrics. So I wrote this in thirty minutes while on anxiety medication that makes me a zombie so I'm sorry if it sucks but I actually love it.

Summary: You and Han's last call is emotional, to say the least.

"Did you tell them yet?" You whispered into your phone receiver. Han was quiet for a second before sighing heavily.

"No… I'm not sure that I know how to. Do I just say, hey guys y/n and I broke up during rehearsal or something?" He lets out a sad chuckle and a ghost of a smile pulls at your lips.

"Just sit them down and tell them, Ji… I don't want you to go through this alone." It's quiet for a few seconds. The dim light in your room embracing you softly, mirroring how you feel inside.

"I'm not going through this alone… you're going through it too."

"You know what I mean, Ji." You sigh, shutting your eyes and leaning your head against your bed's headboard. "You know… we probably won't really talk anymore anyway so -"

"Don't say that." Han's words are rushed but you can still hear the pain behind them. "Of course we can talk."

"About what? Do you want to reminisce about all of our arguments? Or talk about the future we gave up on? Talking to you would just…" Your voice grows smaller as you process your emotions.

"Don't." Han whispers, you can imagine his pained facial expression. Eyes closed and his nose slightly scrunched as he battled his heavy thoughts.

"It would just be painful… for both of us and I don't want you to be in any more pain, Jisung."

"Then let's fix this, y/n… let's figure out the long distance."

"Ji…"

"Please, you don't understand how many times I shut my eyes and hope that when I open them that this is all a dream. For two years you have been my everything, y/n. You have been the center of everything, you are a part of my life and if I have to let you go…if I really have to let you go then I honestly rather be dead."

Tears fall down your cheeks as you bring your knees to your chest and shrink into yourself. You knew that this would be hard when you decided to break up with Han but you also knew that the long distance and constant fighting wasn't what either of you needed or wanted right now. Deep down Han knew that too, he was just too afraid to say it.

"I know that this is hard… I've cried every night since we talked about it but this just can't work… I never see you, Ji… your job is something bigger than the both of us right now and it's not anyone's fault… it's just how your life is designed and right now I don't fit here… we don't fit here." You hear Han sniffle on the other line and you swear that your heart breaks a bit more. The sound only makes your own tears fall heavier.

"Is there someone else?" His question comes out in a whisper. He didn't want to ask it but knowing him he probably couldn't go another second without a solid answer to his intrusive thoughts.

"Of course not."

"Then… then tell me you're still mine, baby, please."

"Jisung… you shouldn't call me that." You pull your lips into a thin line as you take in the silence on the other line. At this point the silence has said more than either of you for this entire conversation.

"Please." His voice is once again barely above a whisper and you bring a hand up over your heart to make sure it's still beating. You're almost positive that the amount of pain in his voice could kill you but you have to try your best to stay strong. But, even if you are staying strong you can't leave him as the only one being vulnerable here, it just wouldn't be fair.

"I think… I think that I'll always be yours, you have my heart, Ji." That was the push that broke the dam for him. You listen helplessly as he sobs into his hands on the other line. You sit quietly trying not to succumb to your heavy emotions as well. The all too familiar silence swallows you both until your emotions seem to calm down a bit and all that's left is the sound of light panting and deep breaths every now and then.

"Do you remember when I came to visit you and I took you to the carnival?" A grin tugs at your lips as you shake your head.

"Yeah, I do, we got on the Ferris wheel because you swore you could handle it but you freaked out the second we started moving." You both chuckle lightly at the memory.

"It was terrifying but… when we got to the top and I looked at you.. and I watched you marvel at the view and that smile on your face when you pointed to the sunset…" He got quiet for a second as he recalled the memory. You could imagine a ghost of a smile across his lips.

"When I saw you looking like that… looking so beautiful, so breathtaking… I wasn't scared anymore, y/n." Now it was your turn to cry. The hand that was over your heart was now over your mouth as you tried your best to muffle your sobs. You knew it was no use, you knew that Han could tell that you were crying but you couldn't help yourself. You wanted to be strong for him.

"I kissed you on top of that Ferris wheel while the sun kissed the horizon and it was then that I knew that I love you."

"That was the first time you said it too." You manage to choke out through your small sobs. "I was so happy."

"I smiled for weeks after that. How could I not? You loved me.. I just.." The smile in his voice faded as reality hit him again. "I just wish that you would love me like that again."

"Han Jisung, I do love you… I love you with all of my heart but this relationship is going to hurt us way more than it is now if we don't take off our rose colored glasses and look at the reality of it all."

Han sighed in defeat, he knew you were right. The two of you weren't doing well with the distance and the dating rumors that social media constantly pushed out was not helping at all. They shipped Han with everyone they could think of which did horrible things for both your anxiety and his. You'd fight over pointless things and though you always made up you'd be fighting again a week later and it became a cycle that you two just couldn't seem to escape from. The last thing that you wanted to do was leave him but this just wasn't how your relationship was meant to go.

"You're my heart, you know? You always will be."

"You're my heart too, Ji."

"When I come to the states… Could I visit you?" He was shy to ask but he had to know if he could see you. It's all he ever wanted to do anyway, he always wanted to be around you. Hugging you, kissing you, cuddling you, and you used to love every second of it.

"You're always welcome here, Ji." You can nearly hear the smile that paints his face.

"And you're always welcome here, y/n… next time you come to Korea I'll show you all of the places I never got to show you while we were together… is that okay with you?" You smiled a sad smile 'while we were together' this is really over, huh?

"Sounds like a plan, Ji." Just as Han is about to reply you hear Changbin calling for him in the background and Han lets out a deep sigh. "Gotta go?"

"Yeah… we have promotions to do." His voice is sad again, small and distant.

"Can you promise that you'll take care of yourself, Ji… for me." Your voice is hopeful and pleading, something that Han can't seem to resist.

"For you, I'd do anything… So yeah, I promise." The silence came back to you both as you tried to figure out how to say goodbye.

"Well… I'll see you around, good luck."

"See you around, y/n.." Neither of you hung up for a couple of seconds, both wanting the other to say one last word. To hear one last breath escape their lips. Neither of you wanted to let go but you knew you had to. Just as you were about to hang up you heard Han's whispered words followed by the call ending. Tears welled up in your eyes once again as his words echoed through your head.

I love you, y/n

[shaunamilfman]

Dating Lottie in the Wilderness HC's

got a req for dating Lottie in the wilderness and couldn't decide whether to do dating before crash or not, so I just wrote some for both. 

Dating before crash

absolute first person she looks for after the crash. if you weren't already outside the plane she'd go running back in. you would have to drag her back out with you. 

she wouldn't leave your side for days afterwards. you'd have to plead with her to leave you alone long enough to go to the bathroom. "i can turn around 🥰🥰". "leaveeeeee"

i think she might be a little emotionally distant though. i think she blames herself at least partly for the plane crash since her dad chartered it. it's super irrational but she has such a martyr complex. you'd have to spend some time reassuring her that no one blames her for the crash before she'd relax about it. 

she'd also have a lot going on with the whole running out of pills thing. i can't even imagine how awful it would be knowing what's going to happen as you slowly run out of your medication. obviously you'd comfort her about if but there's only so much you can do. 

after you're in the woods for a while Lottie wouldn't feel the need to hide your relationship anymore and would talk to you about telling the others. not that you guys were doing a great job of hiding it before. honestly, there's only so many loving glances one 'friendship' can survive.

"i don't know what you're talking about, me and Lottie are just friends". Van's like "maybe someone should tell Lottie that??". Lottie across the room, "😍🥰😍" 

having someone who knew about Lottie's condition before she went full cult leader would make a big difference, but I think the end result would ultimately be the same. 

i don't think anyone but Lottie, Mari, and maybe Van actually believe in the whole wilderness thing. I think everyone else just had to believe in it to justify what did, so even if you knew about Lottie I don't think running interference would change all that much. 

you'd ground Lottie a lot though. i think it would mean a lot to her to have someone who still saw her as a person, and not some kind of prophet. you'd sneak around a lot in the woods to fool around and just be with each other. 

thinking about sneaking away from the cabin with Lottie to hook up and running into taivan out in the woods. an everlasting moment of silence before you turn to Lottie and are like "guess this tree is taken"

as inseparable as you guys were before the crash you'd be even worse in the woods. thinking about walking out to Lottie's cult tree and standing awkwardly off to the side while she does her little sacrifices. maybe you don't believe in the wilderness shit immediately, but you still don't like to be out of sight of each other. 

Just teammates before the crash

you and lottie didn't know each other all that well. occasionally you shared a laugh at a party or a knowing look during one of Jackie's 'pep talks', but nothing more than that. 

you wouldn't interact all that much till the cabin. you didn't really understand Lottie's fear of it, but you hung back with her outside because you didn't want to leave her alone.

you'd sit there in comfortable silence for a while until you had to go inside to sleep. after that though Lottie would start to come to you to talk about her visions because she knows you wouldn't judge her like the rest of them. 

she'd still lean primarily on Laura Lee for obvious reasons, but after Laura Lee dies she leans heavily on you. you'd spend a lot of time just sitting with her as she grieved. 

as it starts to get colder Lottie asks you to sleep closer to her in the cabin, trying to justify it with the temperature. you'd wake up every morning with her pressed tightly against you, watching as you slept. (platonically, of course) 

i think you might pull away a bit after doomcoming to process all that crazy shit that happened, and start to avoid Lottie in the process.

she'd follow you out into the woods after a while and you'd get into an argument that culminates in the two of you getting together. 

i think you'd still ground Lottie a lot, but without the background knowledge you'd probably buy into the cult at least somewhat. being at ground zero with Lottie and watching as her visions build up it would be hard not to believe in her, especially with everything else that's going on. 

following Lottie while she does her blood sacrifices and bandaging her hand with a cloth scrap, and gently pressing a kiss to it afterwards. 

i think dating Lottie in the wilderness would probably alienate you a lot from the other girls, especially if you weren't already dating pre-crash. either because they're jealous of you, or because they think you're crazy for believing in her. they hold Lottie on such a high pedestal that it's hard for anyone else to measure up. 

Lottie wouldn't care what the other girls think though, and she'd tell you not to either. you're her gift from the wilderness after all, and she doesn't love anything more than she loves you.

[changbinsboobs]

Кто в SKZ является нейроотличным и к какому «типу» он относится

PLEASE THIS SUB-CLAUSE I BEG🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻😔😔😔

Who in Skz is neurodivergent and what type are they?

Omg i just wann crawl into a hole and rot😭 i wrote SOOOOOOO much in this post. Sooooooo much!!!!!!!! And i went out of the app for a sec to check something and when i came back it was ALL gone😭 now i don't even wanna do it anymore😤 but still i have already committed so i guess im just gonna do it in a different format where i just give my quick opinion and then in a different post some other time explain in detail. I swear im so angry I've had this in my drafts for so long and everytime i start it somethmg happens and i camt fi ish it😭

*Also, put short, im not a professional nor a psychology major. This post is not based on tarot - all of it is based on my personal observations, experiences, opinions and the energy I've picked up from them from previous readings. Take it all with a grain of salt and remember i don't know the idols personally and i do not state facts. This is just a lighthearted post based on my opinion.

Chan - ADHD, OCD

He has mentioned the ocd himself while talking about red lights. He said tho that he thinks its not really ocd but something of that sort. In my experience ocd is heavily influenced by the level of dysregulation in your nervous system so if you're well regulated, even during stressful times, the ocd doesn't show as strongly as to be pathological. Once ur dysregulated tho it is definitely there and it depends on you how bad you let it get. So i for sure think he has it, its just not as intense for him to be diagnosed, which speaks good for him actually cuz i never thought someone under so much stress could keep himself so regulated, especially taking in mind his sleep and eating routine.

As for the adhd its just pretty obvious i think. Tho i believe he medicates it, espc since seungmin once mentioned something about chan having forgotten to take his meds today hence why he's all over the place.

Lee Know - On the spectrum

I did a long, long, detailed paragraph on autism and at the end described why i think lee know falls under it, but im so angry i don't wanna do it all over again right now. If you're interested on more details u can send a request and whenever i feel like it I'll do a post like that.

Changbin - On the spectrum

Same here, i just started to describe why i think he falls under the spectrum and then everything got deleted😭. Changbis paragraph is different tho. Why i think he's on the spectrum is because of his genius-like abilities in many if not all fields. He gives me wunderkind vibes. And i habe also picked up on him being the goat when he was a kid, but as he grows up the abilities and sureness he once had as a kid isn't there anymore or way less. Yk the autistic "trope" of being the wunderkind and them growing up into the burned out adult with so much lost potential. He give's me a bit of that vibe. He's also extremely sensitive and intuitive and has incredible attention to detail and patterns. He has such a unique sense for music and creation - in his field of music and rap he really is a genius. He calls himself a prodigy when little and i actually believe that (even if the members dont🥲😂) and even if he's very well liked by lots of people because of his great qualities as a human, he seems ufjfjf idk how to describe it. Like he's not integrated in with them (im talking about the group) but he's watching from outside. He's always the but of the joke, he's always the rejected one, he's always somehow different than them and doesn't quite fit in the group. In the sense that it feels like he doesn't get fully and completely accepted in a large group setting. I think he does grate one on one or in small 3 people groups, but once theres a small society - he's the left one out. I have so much more to say about all of this but once again - i think I'll leave it for another post when i get the inspiration for it.

Hyunjin - /

Han - Autistic for sure!

Yeah there's lots to unpack here to, cuz i habe so much "evidence" i think I'll actually might even do it on twitter as a thread cuz id like to include clips and stuff to be able to really analyse it, and here i cant really do that so - yeah look forward to it:)

Felix - ?

i have no fck idea to be honest. Maybe cptsd? But he also gives me vibes of dyslexia or something of that sort. Im not too familiar with it, so i can't say for sure but i have noticed he has speaking and learning problems so if you know any better than me please give suggestions. Cuz ain no way he's neurotypical. Also by speaking problems i mean I've noticed a difficulty in him of forming a coherent sentence or he just talks but its all nonsense.

Seungmin - /

I.N - /

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

Nisha, did you know I would step on some legos barefooted for you? Anyways can’t wait to read for another fandom I have never stepped foot in and would probably never engage with the canon in just because you decided that’s what to make, and I’ve decided to read it anyways. Home cooked meal. -Rotten Anon

The opening line of this message made literal cartoon anime hearts appear above my head, just so you know <3

Also you have inspired me to post a rundown of my WIPs because I am really excited about what I have been working on. And for two of these fandoms, I know you have said you know nothing about the canon, but for the third, I am not sure, so we'll see.

My Current WIPs April/May 2024

Heaven's Gate (for The Walking Dead) - Daryl Dixon x GN!Reader. Strangers to Lovers/Soulmates/Lovers Reunited. Angst, Fluff, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Season 1 to Season 5. 17k in counting (will be a oneshot). You can find a preview here. In this fic, you and Daryl get separated when the Governor attacks the prison, and though you both believe the other person is dead (or long gone) you find each other at the most unlikely time, in the most unlikely place.

I am super excited about this fic, and the themes of hope that I have woven into it. Because yes, I unironically love writing about hope and how the human spirit can persevere - which is something that my favourite moments in The Walking Dead show. This is first draft complete and just needs to be edited.

The Jaws of Life (for DC Titans) - Jason Todd x GN!Reader. Sequel to Emergency Contact. Lovers Reunited. Extreme Angst, Smut, Hurt and (some) Comfort. Set during Season 3. 21k in counting (will probably be a oneshot - if it needs to be split up, it will be put in two parts, but I hope I can get away with a oneshot). (I highly recommend that everyone go read the original in the meantime, because it is one of my best fics ever.) In this fic, you and Jason struggle with the new meaning of your relationship after what happened with Deathstroke - only for this tentative change to be harshly disrupted by the Joker. And you're still heavily mourning when a red hooded stranger breaks into your apartment one night, seeking medical care because apparently - you owe him one.

Everyone give Jaycen @nctzenkane a big fucking round of applause for this one, because he was randomly talking to me about Jason Todd today (we were having the 'some characters are only fuckable in costume' discussion) - and I got talking about how this version of Jason from Titans makes me so passionate to write about the character. And it is solely because of him that I opened up this fic and took a good look at it - I have been thinking about this fic for months, wanting to finish it because I know I am gonna be proud of it, but I kept hesitating because I thought I had a way bigger mountain to conquer with it. But the conversation I had with Jaycen really inspired me and I wrote 5k on the fic just today, and I realized that with this momentum, I could have the first draft done by the end of this month. So I am promising myself that this is gonna be done soon.

Speaking of which - when The Jaws of Life is first draft done, I wanna host a poll so you guys can decide which of those two ^^ fics goes through the editing process to be posted first. Both will be posted (hopefully) by the end of May, but I do wanna know which one you guys wanna see posted first. Which leads me to:

Nasty (for Stranger Things) - Sub!Eddie Munson x Dom!Fem!Reader. Established Relationship. Smut/PWP. 3k (this is gonna be a shorter fic lmao). In this fic, you and Eddie have been dating for a while, but you don't like that all of his attempts to have sex with you have him taking on a (seemingly fake) dom persona. When you finally tell him that you prefer to be more dominant in bed, he isn't disgusted like you thought he might be - he loves it.

This is one I have been sitting on for a while, and right before it was ready to be posted - my brain lost interest in it like tiktok does micro trends. But I think this is gonna be really great to post while the poll for those other fics is cooking because it's short and sweet and for the past few days, whenever I have seen the cover for this in my drafts, I have gotten excited about it again. So I am excited to finish it and show it off to everyone!!

[aritsukemo]

Hello, if requests are still open, then I would like to do just that. Can I have a request with Hero and Kel or omori gang with a reader who has abusive parents? This could be shouting, insults, beatings, pressure from grades and much more, in principle, how strong the cruelty will be is not very important to me, although I would like to at least get to small beatings, severity, insults and screams (I just have similar situation), but do it as you want. If I can't make a request like this for some reason, can I have a request also with Hero and Kel and with a reader who is overloaded with studies and activities, and later is on the verge of a breakdown or freaks out? The gender of the reader is not very important, but I would like either a GN!Reader or a Fem!Reader. I immediately apologize for any mistakes and if I somehow broke the rules, all the best to you!

Bandages and some much needed comfort | Omori

Characters: Hero and Kel

A/N: Okay. First off, I am so sorry this took so long! Second, I had a lot of trouble completing this request and since I haven't written anything Omori-related in a hot minute, I probably wrote these two out of character but I hope you don't mind. I'm not really accepting request right now but I decided to write this because I wanted to bring you comfort in your difficult times! I hope you enjoy this! :D

Warnings: Abuse is heavily implied! Reader has a vase thrown at them ( Hero ) and gets punched in the face ( Kel ) so please, if this upsets you, don't read this!

"Well that was..interesting." Kel mumbled before letting out an awkward laugh. A mistake he realizes a bit too late as you look up at him, your face relatively stoic aside from the unshed tears that are bubbling.

"Oh, uh- ..My bad." He mumbles in a hast, forcing himself to look away from the dark spot that's slowly forming around your eye. You had been feeling down lately and Kel wanted to surprise you by visiting you. It was unfortunate that your mom had the day off today..

At first, it wasn't bad. After he introduced himself, your mom gently urged you to come downstairs. When you came down, your heart dropped to your ass when you saw your best friend at the door—Your best friend who apparently found out where you lived without your knowing.

Completely oblivious, Kel watched the whole ordeal go down. How you seemed oddly nervous as you quickly explained that he was just a friend you met at the park, how your mom practically glared at you only to look back at him and flash him a smile similar to the ones his mother would give him when she wasn't trying to look bad in front of guests, up until she told him to wait outside for you and shut the door in his face.

He waited outside for what seemed to him like forever but after a while, he heard some yelling and you had finally walked outside, your face bruised and beginning to swell.

And now he's walking with you in complete silence. Just great..

What is he supposed to do now? This silence is killing him..but how is he supposed to get rid of it? By asking questions about what happened? No, it's way too soon for that.. Should he crack a joke? Doubt you'll find anything funny right now..

..Agh, forget this. Just say something already.

"Hey, let's go to the store," Kel blurts out. You pause, your feet coming to a halt as you finally look back at him, your brows beginning to scrunch.

"Don't worry, you can wait for me outside. I just want to grab some stuff so we can bandage up your face," He pauses, "..I'm not the best when it comes to medical stuff so you might need to help me out.."

"Kel," You begin, but he's quick to interrupt you. Smiling brightly as he says, "Hey, do you think Gino's will give us a discount if you come in looking like a mummy? I know Halloween has passed but if we dress you up in a good enough costume I'm sure that pizza guy will give us something!"

You stare at him with a wide-eyed look and for a moment, Kel feared that you saw through his flimsy attempt at cheering you up—or even worse, he accidentally offended you with his joke. Luckily, it seemed like neither happened, you even laughed a little.

"I don't think that'll work Kel," You say, a small grin beginning to make it's way on your face. It causes Kel's smile to widen.

"Oh come on, it's a foolproof plan! If we just wrap your entire body—"

"I am not letting you wrap me head to toe in bandages."

"Well not with that attitude you aren't."

"Kel—"

A wince sounds, sucked in through clenched teeth as a small, burning pain sets fire to your skin. Hero's eyes momentarily break away from your arm, his eyes looking up to shoot you an apologetic glance before they quickly return to the small cuts that litter your arm.

"I'm sorry, but I have to clean them to prevent an infection.." He mumbles. His tone as soft as the clouds outside his window. Despite this, it does little to comfort you.

"I know.. It just stings a bit," You reply lowly in which Hero nods his head, now completely focused once again.

"I can't believe he did this to you," He says after a moment, his brows dipping to form a deep v, "And over something like this.. It makes me so angry.."

"It was my fault," You quickly say, "I shouldn't have left my phone unattended."

"He shouldn't have attacked you because you're living your life."

"My father wants me to focus on my grades so my scholarship doesn't go to waste. Plus he isn't fond of the idea of me getting into any kind of relationship so—"

"That gives him the excuse to put his hands on you? To throw a literal vase at you?" Hero questions, his words leaving his lips like sharpened daggers, none of which were directed at you. Even so, it makes you feel awkward and you end up falling silent as a result.

"Listen, I understand that you probably think this is normal since you've dealt with his behavior for so long but this isn't normal. Constantly having to be patched up because your father can't control his anger isn't normal."

"Of course I know that!" You say, beginning to raise your voice, "I know it's not normal but what can I do, huh? I'm a broke fucking college student! Hell, I can barely afford pizza let alone my own apartment!"

"I don't know if you know this, but not everyone has a nice life filled with loving friends and family like you do, Hero! Not everyone has caring parents who'll be happy for you and'll want to provide for you like your parents have!" Slowly, Hero's eyes begin to widen. Not because of your harsh words or the mean glare that he knows isn't fully directed at him, but because of the crystal-like tears that have begun to roll down your cheeks.

"I'm sorry.." You sniffle, "I.. I'm so sorry.." You begin to curl into yourself, your tears splashing on knees, "I.. I'm just.. I—" You cut yourself off as you choke, Hero's eyes soften.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it," Hero murmurs, tone soft as he slowly pulls away from you, sensing how overwhelmed you are, "And I'm sorry for being so inconsiderate. You were already upset and I made it worse.."

Putting his first aid kit aside, Hero slides back to lean against the foot of his bed, pulling his knees up to his chest as he listens to your sobs in silence.

He's not used to this side of you. He's not used to you being so vulnerable around him. You had always put on such a strong front around him, always showed such a caring and sweet façade to him, and as nice as that was at times, he often felt as if some wall was put between you two. One that was iron solid despite being made out of cotton candy and sour gumdrops. He always felt that when it came to certain things, you always hid how you truly felt as to avoid concerning others so in a way seeing you like this, your true feelings bursting out like water flowing out of a broken dam makes him feel as happy as it does sad. ( An odd feeling seeming as his partner is having a breakdown on his bed right now )

Eventually, Hero slides up onto his bed, his fingers slowly inching towards yours, "Would you like me to hold you?' He asks, scanning your hunched over form for any sign of rejection before snaking his arms loosely around you.

"I've been thinking lately. Well, a little longer than lately actually.." Hero mutters, "What if you moved in with me? You'd still have to wait a little while since I'm not allowed to live off campus yet, but you can always visit like you've been doing."

"I'm sorry that I can't rescue you immediately but if you'll be patient, I promise it'll be worth it. I've been looking at a few apartments and found some really good ones. We can look at them together tomorrow if you'd like. Speaking of which, what do you want for breakfast tomorrow? There's not much we can make without a stove but if push comes to shove I can always get something to eat. Of course, you'll have to leave the same way you came to avoid getting caught by security.."

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest

[1dont-really-know]

I haven't wrote anything on like a year, so any constructive criticism is welcomed. Anyway, here's a little fic about the "what if" I posted a few days ago. Also this isn't proofread.

Word count: 2132

"Again, Lilia?"

The Princess- healer, at this time, sighs, shaking her head in exasperation, "Truly, I feel like I shouldn't even be surprised anymore. Just disappointed."

The fae in question refuses to look her in the eyes, pretending to be focusing on slowing down the bleeding of the wound in his arm. Vivid green eyes, the same color as Maleanor's, yet a pair that exudes a quieter type of authority, stares right into his soul.

"It's not as if I get hurt on purpose," he hissed, feeling a prickle of embarrassment on his skin, "I'm a knight. A royal guard. We get hurt all the time."

"And yet only you seem to have the ability to get hurt every few hours or so," the Princess shoots back, matter-of-fact, "hah, well at least this wound actually seems serious." And she wasn't wrong. The gash on his arm is deep, even he, who has very little medical knowledge, can tell. He was about to retort that, no, he didn't get hurt every few hours or so, and that last time he got hurt was a few days ago, but before he could speak again, she's already walking off, searching her storage to find the necessary items needed to patch him up.

Lilia huffs, sitting down on the ground while he waits for her to get back. His gaze falls on the crowd of knights outside the medical tent, talking, laughing, and just generally enjoying the little free time they have in the midst of war. He envies them, in a way. While they could still have fun, he instead needs to lead them, plan out their next move, everything.

And though he himself isn't too keen on being close to anyone, he can't deny that he does feel lonely from time to time.

A hand pats his hair, pulling him away from his thoughts. The Princess looks down on him, some bandages and gauze in her hands. She sat down beside him, taking his wounded arm and started to clean the wound with the gauze. As always, her touch is careful and gentle, laced with just a hint of the strength and firmness he knew she was hiding.

The Princess pauses for a second, the gauze hovering mere inches from his skin. She suddenly looks at him, her eyes staring right into his, "something on your mind?" He didn't expect the question, to be honest, so he just stares at her questioningly, which in turn makes her sigh again.

She seems to do that a lot in his presence. Does he exasperate her that much?

"You had a faraway look on your face, Lilia. You only do that when you're thinking really hard about something," she continues to clean his wound, but he can see something akin to concern in her eyes, "so, tell me, what's on your mind?"

Lilia huffs, "it's nothing of your concern, Your Highness."

That, in turn, causes her to raise an eyebrow at him. She looked over to where his gaze pointed to prior to her distracting him, only finding the knights enjoying their free time, "do you want to join them?" She asks, curiosity in her voice, "didn't the scouts say that the Silver Owls are still very far away? I'm sure it's fine for you to loosen up a bit, at least for tonight."

… even her, huh…

"You don't get it," Lilia meant for that to sound far more stern, but his voice comes out soft, a hint of his unease visible on his face, "you've never been in the front lines, Your Highness, you-"

"Stop that."

Lilia blinks in surprise. The Princess's stern voice cuts through his words, and when he raises his gaze to look into her eyes, he finds annoyance, impatience, and just the slightest hint of her previous concern. He can see the grip she has on the bandages tighten slightly.

"Stop what, Your High-"

"Stop that. Calling me Your Highness and all that rubbish. You always do that when you're upset," she had paused in bandaging his arm, apparently deciding that scolding him took priority to his still heavily bleeding wound. There's a tension in the air, and the Princess sighs, letting her shoulders droop slightly, the concern returning to her tone, "You even do that to 'Leanor and Levan as well. It's not healthy to distance yourself from your friends when you need support."

Lilia feels a hint of shame creeping up on him, and he averts his gaze, pondering, "it feels odd calling you by your real name after you've been gone for so long," he admits, remembering the years she spent away to train to become a healer, "and besides, it was rare for me, or anyone close to us to call you by that name even before you went off for your education." Lilia can only hope against hope that she would accept that. Though she was a Draconia, after all, so he didn't expect much.

She seems to contemplate his words for a moment, chewing on the inside of her cheek like she always did when she's thinking deeply about something, "well, then you can call me by that nickname instead."

She's… she's insisting on this, isn't she?

Now it's Lilia's turn to sigh, rubbing his forehead in frustration, "don't you think that's a bit inappropriate? I'm a knight, and you're a Princess.'' Seriously, why do Draconias always seem to be so stubborn?

"Go on, say it," she almost sounds amused now, continuing where she left off on bandaging his arm, "call me by the nickname, Lilia. I know you want to."

"No."

"If you don't, then I'll just give you a taste of your own medicine and call you General Vanrouge from now on."

Lilia can feel his ear twitch in annoyance. The Princess- Moonlight as she so insists he calls her, is grinning maliciously from ear to ear, and he can see her tail swishing excitedly behind her.

"Fine. If that's what you wish, Moonlight."

Moonlight's tail thumps on the ground in glee, a laugh, free and genuine, escapes her, and she's laughing at him. "See? That wasn't so hard now, was it?" She coos, her eyes shining with amusement, "oh, I remember when we were kids and you used to call me that all the time. Remember when you proposed to 'Leanor and then you said that 'Moonlight will be the Maid of Honor!' too bad only half of that ended up being true, hmm?"

Lilia rolls his eyes, "that was about two hundred years ago. If you're looking to embarrass me by bringing up my infatuation with your sister, you've missed your window of chance." A thought flashes in his mind, and he sees an opening to turn this around on her. He smirks his fangs glinting, "besides, you said that you were going to marry that diurnal fae prince, and yet- Ow!"

Lilia winces as Moonlight tightens the bandage to the point he was afraid that she was cutting off blood flow from his limb completely. He sees the forced smile on her face, and he feels a sudden uneasiness creep up on him.

"What are you doing?" He manages to force out the words, the tips of his fingers slowly going numb from the lack of blood flow, "are you seriously going to chop off my arm just for that?"

Moonlight tilts her head ever so slightly to the side, her eyes trained on him like a predator would stalk its prey, "funny," she croons, tightening the bandages further and making him wince, "by the way most of your recent injuries were on this arm only, I thought that was what you wanted."

"But you didn't have to- ow! Fine! I yield!"

Finally, Moonlight loosened the bandages until the pressure was enough to stop the bleeding but not enough to cut off his circulation. "Did you really need to do that?" Lilia grumbles, glaring unheatedly at her. She's not even looking him in the eyes, yet her annoyance with him is palpable, "are you really not over him yet?"

He had never understood why she liked that prince so much. She had always said to him that she didn't want to be too involved with politics, and if she had married that prince, that's a life she would live for the rest of her life. A life of nonstop politics. He knew she didn't want that life, she has had that mindset since they were children, but for her to change that mindset because of a random prince…

"He was the first person I ever really fell for," Moonlight bemoans, her face scrunched up in anguish just a little too exaggerated to be genuine, "you don't know how much worse it feels for a Draconia to lose that than the average fae."

Lilia rolls his eyes, turning his body away from her a little while still letting her bandage his gash, "Oh yes, the diurnal prince that is three hundred years older than you, what horror it is that he, gasp, already has a betrothed."

A beat of silence passes between them, and for a moment, then, "I guess you do have a point about it not being too different from your situation."

Surprise was the only thing Lilia could make out from his emotions when she said that, and he turned to her again, finding her tie the final knot on his bandages.

Moonlight has an unreadable look on her face. That doesn't happen very often.

A part of him wants to apologize, just to see an emotion, any emotion as long as he can make it out, on her face again. Moonlight has always been very expressive, so for her to be this hard to read, he feels as if he said something truly wrong.

She pats the secured bandages on his arm, her touch still gentle, "there. Try not to lose a limb before the war ends, alright?" Finally, she smiles at him, and to his relief (though he will never admit to that) he can see a hint of exasperated fondness in her eyes.

Lilia nods slowly, flexing his arm and feeling the previous pain to have faded significantly, "thanks," he says, "I appreciate it."

"You done? Alright, now go join the rest of the knights. I have work to do," Moonlight stands up and stretches, even stretching her tail a little.

"Are you kicking me out?" Lilia feels a slight pang of disappointment. He had been enjoying their banter. With the dangers of the Silver Owls, barely anyone has any spare time to simply talk with each other.

She just shrugs at his question, picking up the leftover bandages, presumably to use later since she didn't use too many on him, "interpret it as you will, but you need to socialize. Y'know, build trust between your troops and all that."

He sighs, but gets up as well, turning to walk out of the medical tent and into the camp, but not before calling out behind him, "talk to you later?"

"Once I've finished sorting my stocks, sure."

Lilia smiles, nods at her, then walks over to the bonfire to at least attempt to have a conversation that isn't about their job to his subordinates.

Though he can't help but wonder if Moonlight secretly knows that most of his minor injuries were only for him to spend more time with her.

~•~•~

"Is it the General again?"

The healer's apprentice, Coriander, walks up from behind her, her gaze following her mentor's to the back of the said fae, "did he 'accidentally' hurt himself again?"

The healer shakes her head, "no. This one is genuine. He might be emotionally constipated, but he's not stupid enough to rip his arm open just to get my attention."

Coriander raises an eyebrow, standing next to the healer, her eyes trained on the bandages poking out of the General's sleeve, "is that why you used the bandages? You know we're running low on that, right? You could have just healed him with your magic."

"He needed to loosen up somehow," the healer says, her gaze flicking to Coriander's face, "besides, we're near a village. I'll disguise myself and buy some more, and if that doesn't work, we'll just have to make do with cobwebs."

A sigh, and Coriander looks at her mentor annoyedly, "you could just say that you wanted to spend time with him as well. There's no shame in that."

That causes the healer to laugh, "I'm not ashamed of saying it. It's just that he won't see it that way, so I won't frame it that way as well until he does."

"Both of you are the worst."

"Perhaps. But at least I'm more honest with myself."

[tyrianludaship]

im just gonna add my own two cents here, in the case of medic and demoman, the idea that either of them would be abusive, is an ableist rhetoric. for demoman, it's because there is already a heavily perpetuated stigma that alcoholics and people with addictions are inherently abusive or violent (it's also racism! you are literally putting the "violent black man" stereotype on him!)

as for medic, while he is definetly not canonically autistic or anything like that, he is definetly coded as neurodivergent or mentally ill so pushing the idea that he's a narcissistic abuser cleverly tricking everyone with his facade is um. bad!

I once wrote something about addicts and how them being stigmatized irl is so normal for many people, that even thinking about a fictional addict makes them hesitant.

(I think about the tags I wrote for him often. i was fucking cooking with this here)

Also absolutely, "the violent black man" stereotype is one of the probable reasons for him being depicted so terribly. Not the only reason I bet, there could be a shit-ton of factors including racism that mix together (ableism over addictions for example). But it doesn't help with how underutilized, oversexualized, domineering, aggressive and abusive he's been written as in some cases; and it fits with instances of how other black characters and POC in general are written in fandom spaces.

I recalled a mutual with antisocial personality disorder suggests that medic resemble some of the symptoms. And it honestly doesn't surprise me for medic to be written as an abuser, since that's the common consensus for how people view others with ASPD in real life. I'm diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, so I don't personally feel comfortable explaining ASPD since I'm not diagnosed with it. However I agree that he may not have been written with the word "neurotypical" in mind, so he resembles many types of nuerodivergency. And seeing him in particular get hcs of being abusive and manipulative to his partners...is a choice.

[hms-no-fun]

hey can you just generally ramble about your terezi (and (terezi)) choices? I am interested in your process for her characters this chapter.

yeah! naturally i have a lot to say about a lot of things so spoilers for godfeels 3.2 A1 solo below the break!

let me just start this by saying that (Terezi) has been the BIGGEST pain in my ass of the entire core cast since beginning godfeels 3.

getting A1 out the door in general has been something of a nightmare, in part due to inconvenient irl circumstances but also because this track had a LOT of heavy lifting to do. Double Album is an ambitious project --too ambitious, arguably, considering how much time it takes to write (lots) and how little it pays (nothing)-- and this first glimpse into what's to come needed to do a lot of recapping prior events, moving pieces around on the board, clarifying character motivations, giving everyone a reason to be staying/going, and setting up several hefty dozens of plot threads in both major and minor ways, all while simultaneously being entertaining enough to read that old and new readers alike don't just get bored and peace out before we even get to the stuff that this story's actually about.

i think on balance A1 is going to wind up being sort of an odd duck among the tracks for this reason. i've been thinking of it as sort of a pilot episode, very much in the mold of the pilot of LOST whose very minimal flashbacks belied the load-bearing structural centrality that the flashback device would come to occupy in the series. but it's also a pilot episode for a series that's already three seasons in, which just further complicates the logistical job it needed to do. here again i took inspiration from LOST (get used to this comparison, btw-- everything from chapter 8 onwards has been/will be heavily inspired by LOST in theme and structure), where the season openers always had to pull double duty of cleaning up the mess from whatever bomb dropped in the season finale to completely change the status quo AND giving the core cast time to acclimate to the new status quo in a way that sets the audience up for what this season's gonna be about. it's a fun and punishing challenge that takes a lot of trial and error. there have been so many versions of A1 that all conveyed largely the same information in completely different ways to wildly different ends.

i'm glad i put that work in, because i'm really proud of how A1 ultimately turned out. i think it accomplishes the goals i set out for. and in a serial work like this you just don't get a chance to redo your first episode. if this part didn't work, if every character wasn't utilized with absolute precision, everything that followed would be at a disadvantage. i feel more confident in the future of this side of the story than i did when i first started writing it. but it was hard!

and at the center of that challenge was (Terezi), the character whose desire to go with Silverbark is easily the most obvious of the departing cast and yet simultaneously the most mysterious. i have a document for every writing project where i save cut material just in case, and the one for A1 is over 8000 words. of those, just shy of half are scenes involving (Terezi). because ever since the start of gf3, she's been a delightful, infuriating wrench in all my plans. it's easy enough to understand why she would want to go with Silverbark, but what does she feel about it? how does she feel about what she did to June, what June/Risk did to her, or about the state of Earth C today, and especially about the medicated domestic 30-something Vrisrezi who've just shown up out of the blue?

i wrote the dream strangulation scene in 3.1 chapter 1 knowing it would put a dent in her and June's relationship that would be a pain point through the rest of 3.1, but i'd always planned for them to get on better terms before the end (until Vrisrezi showed up, at which point all that progress would be painfully backpedaled). but as soon as she left the house, (Terezi) completely closed herself off and refused to come to the table again. throughout gf3 and especially chapter 8 i tried to find ways to let her talk about what was on her mind, and she just wouldn't. the Host-intruded memory of them getting into an argument watching Consort Jerry Springer and the birthday flashback where (Terezi) eats leafs both wound up defined in their conflict by (Terezi)'s own silence, her refusal to say what's really bothering her. even as she opens up some in the latter scene, she remains infuriatingly closed off to Risk and us. the question she thinks she's answering is why she's uncomfortable on Earth C, but the question June and Risk are really asking is, why am i not good enough to make this place feel like your home?

this is a dominant theme of Divergence Syndrome-- characters ensconced in noise looking for silence, or characters sick of silence hurtling mortally towards cacophony. the strict meaning of silence vs noise change depending on the person. all the circus flashbacks are moments where characters just can't quite bring themselves to say the thing they really want to say. silence and noise, secrets and truth-- you might draw some comparisons here between this theme and the concept of Voidthought as introduced in A1. i try not to push my hand when it feels like characters don't want to be accessible. it's easy to want to give everyone center stage all at once, but it gets to being too much very quickly. you've got to pick your battles, give everyone their moment when the time is right, when you and they both feel ready for it.

but with (Terezi) i genuinely was like. hey. tell me the thing you really want to say. give me something to work with here. i'm trying to understand how you got here from where we left you in gf2. were you just lying when you said you loved how unpredictable June was? were you lying to Kanaya when you said you liked how boring Earth C was compared to Alternia? what changed in those eleven months between gf2 and gf3 and why didn't i see it until it was too late?

and she just WOULDN'T. every time i've tried to get her talking it felt forced and wrong. she only talks in narration when she wants to. she refuses to humor her guilt even to herself. i wrote a complete version of the scene in Dave's room where Silverbark is much, much meaner, just to try and get a rise out of her. but it was so out of character, it was too much, too forceful. you just can't drag secrets out into the open like that. not with a Mind player as stubborn as (Terezi).

that scene was for me, really. i needed to write it because i was mad at her. i won't share it here because i think quite a lot of it will end up recycled in some form down the line. i don't exactly want to give the impression that (Terezi) is a distinct entity, because none of these characters are. it's more that i see the narration itself, and each characters' varying awareness of it, as having strict rules and boundaries. there's that moment at the end of A1 where Vriska pops into the narration just to say, actually no i don't want my feelings on display right now. i'd planned to have a whole lot of prose there! but when i wrote that interjection, it felt right. it showcases a different form of closing one's self off-- where (Terezi) is doing bullheaded self-harm in her silence, Vriska there is being mature and recognizing that sometimes you just have to let things go. good characterization in this story isn't just about dialogue. every word you read is a function of character in some form. 3.1 was narrated largely by VV. 3.2's narration/structure is what i've been calling "paramniscient epistolary" --basically a roving narratorial eye that can take the form of disconnected third person narration but give way to direct influence from characters whenever they desire. the epistolary part will make more sense come future tracks. but all of that is to say that yeah, to let that device be honest in what it is, to really fulfill VV's promise of letting these characters have genuine agency, i need to be willing to step back and let them be obtuse sometimes.

the original version of that scene between (Terezi) and Silverbark broke rules i didn't yet know, and it taught me a lot about what this story wants to be. gf2 was so much about June expositing her every thought, having revelations, working through shit, coming to terms with her Self. gf3, at least so far, is the opposite. (Terezi)'s lack of answers, her refusal to self-examine, is a protest against the kind of sincerity that June often embodies.

the horror of encountering a Terezi who's well-adjusted and happy is that for (Terezi), it feels inevitable. like a death sentence, a sword hanging over her neck. it's proof that if she ever got what she wanted, she would have to lose so many of the things that she still feels are essential to her Self. i think she tried to force herself to get better in gf2, under the assumption that simply being with someone you love who loves you is enough. but getting better requires work. i don't like the pervasive idea in fiction that couples getting together is the Solution to interpersonal problems, because it's not. it can help! but when you're accustomed to being alone, it's easy to stay alone even when you share every waking moment with someone else. i think Terezi is proof to (Terezi) that getting better takes work, and she despises the notion that she needs to do that work, that this version of her "getting better" is obviously preferable to who she is now. it's revealing that she imposes parentheses on herself so immediately upon meeting Terezi. it's worth noting that when Vriska tries to talk to (Terezi) in the A1 solo, she doesn't use those parentheses.

i think (Terezi) knows that if she even started to have a conversation about all this stuff, she'd lose. there are so many little moments where you can see her resolve shake a little. her harshness is a manifestation of instability. to open that door even a crack is to consent to demolishing the whole house. so she closes herself off altogether. she tells Terezi she'll kill her if she speaks to her again, and when Vriska begs her to seek help, (Terezi) spits in her face.

infinite credit to janet girlpillz for all the art in A1 solo but this panel especially. it took a lot of work to get the mood and tone just right. i cannot overstate how lucky i feel to have her in my camp. this moment would be nothing without her.

it was important for me that the impact of this particular patooie be almost entirely on (Terezi). Vriska's shocked, yes, but in the way of being interrupted mid-sentence more than anything. i wanted to see the moment right before Vriska can emotionally process what's just happened. nonverbal, not overly emotive, surprised, taken aback. but not mad. not sad. not angry. it's (Terezi) who's angry. Vriska laughs it off pretty fast once the fluttersled departs, because she sees the gesture for what it is. it's not really about her or for her. it's (Terezi) kicking the dog to chase it away, maybe because she thinks its for the dog's own good, or maybe because she just doesn't want the responsibility of taking care of a dog, except she IS the dog and she might not even know it.

as to (Terezi)'s turn towards "Justice," i'm not even sure she really believes it. does she actually think June is guilty of a crime? or is this just an extremely elaborate means of tethering her fate to the woman she used to love? and in fact, is that love truly in the past tense for her?

right now, (Terezi) and the rest of the crew are in a state of transition, carried forward by the high-stakes manic momentum of chapter 8 into a new life with new rules without really knowing what that actually entails. i think their commitment to any idea of their role in that future is highly precarious, especially as we proceed out of that manic phase into what will, eventually, become the new normal. right now their motivations are all hypothetical, contingent, abstract. that is not enough in the long term. it will take something real, something personal, to get them not just to stay in Silverbark's company, but to live there. Silverbark has sown the seeds of these in each of her conversations with the core cast. but to paraphrase VV, their ultimate reason for choosing to do what they will do is theirs to decide.

it wouldn't take much to shake (Terezi) out of her present self-destructive funk. it's just that there aren't very many things that could, and most of them are on Earth C. the question for me going forward is, what will it take to transform (Terezi)'s present verve for becoming "a detective" from an elaborate larp into a genuine career conviction? she can't maintain her delusion of moral superiority without that. (Terezi)'s a real piece of work but i don't think she enjoys lying, even and perhaps especially to herself. but she is a serial lifelong liar-by-omission. the currency of her deception is silence.

and that's something that (Terezi) and Silverbark have in common.

my final note (dear god does this woman ever shut up) is on the characterization of Terezi. she obviously doesn't get many lines in this chapter, and that's interesting. I have a hard time imagining that even a medicated 30-something Terezi is particularly good at holding her tongue. part of it is just sheer practicality. there are ELEVEN characters with speaking roles in this chapter, and of those Terezi is the least... i don't want to say "important," because she IS important. least relevant, maybe? none of this interpersonal drama has anything to do with her. when you think about it, Terezi is in a similar position now to the one Silverbark was in when she returned to Earth C. older, wiser, fundamentally different, while simultaneously stepping into the role her less mature younger self occupied in all these people's lives. i think she recognizes that the only thing she can do in this situation is cause trouble, so she mostly avoids contributing altogether. her home base in the scene is Vriska, until at last the space opera drama mamas fuck off to their Very Important Story and she can safely make jokes again. wow, what a bitch. let's go get omelettes.

it'll be interesting to see (when we get to it, which will be a long time from now) how Terezi fits in with Jane and Karkat, and on Earth C in general. how will the media respond to her? how will culture at large respond to her? jesus christ man, it's gonna be such a fucking mess.

anyway, those are some rambling thoughts on Terezi and (Terezi)! i hope your thirst is sated, or at least that you didn't drown.

[weaselwiggles]

Yakuza as Radiants: Haruka

A continuation of my previous post - If Haruka were to bond a spren from Brandon Sanderson's Stormlight Archives book series, which would it be and why.

Kiryu's Post

Haruka - Edgedancer Deciding which order Haruka would fall into was very hard! I can see her falling into many of them. As a performer and someone who enjoys visual arts, it's easy to imagine her as a Lightweaver. She's certainly gathered enough truths in her childhood to go quiet far with that. She could also be a Windrunner as she has always had a big heart and been a protector. While you can see that I decided on Edgedancer, the one I actually almost wrote this post about was Elsecaller. Even while spending most of the games as a kid, she has never been one to slow down, taking after Kiryu and plunging into things to help others.

However, Haruka has only wanted one thing throughout the entire series, which is to be with her family. She spends the first game trying to find her mom, the games after begging Kiryu to stay and not leave her behind, and then the most recent games staying with her orphanage with her partner and son. (I must confess I have not played 8, so please forgive me for not bringing that game into my analysis.)

Despite her time as an idol, Haruka is someone for common people. She works at an orphanage, happy with her family. I do not believe she aspires for greatness, that she wants to be a savior or star anymore. However, I also cannot see Haruka sitting idly by and watch something she disagrees with heavily happen.

We don't get the biggest insight into what Haruka's life is like after Kiryu fakes his death, so please excuse if my thoughts are unfounded, but I can easily imagine Haruka being friendly with neighbors and locals. She easily gets swept up into sidestories and helps out those she can. I can see her helping with legal matters, protests, petitions, and such to improve their lives. She is a kind and warm individual who cares a lot.

So, with that said, I want to draw your attention to the ideals of the Edgedancers. The second ideal is "I will remember those who have been forgotten." And the third is "I will listen to those who have been ignored."

Edgedancers are the order of the people. They are for the common folk. Sanderson goes on to state that, "Edgedancers consider it their solemn duty to remember that the people are the ones they truly serve." They worked as medics during war time and the gem archive mentions that they were too busy evacuating normal people living in Urithiru to record their thoughts. Their care for people is obvious in everything we learn about them.

It's easy to connect the dots between Haruka who just wants to take care of her own and those around her and how well the Edgedancer order fits. First, whether we consider her on Earth or on Roshar, it's easy to see how Haruka could be a healer. She couldn't leave someone injured, even from something small.As someone taking care of several children at a time, I'm sure that this comes in handy a lot.

But more than just the physical aspect, as someone who has gone through a lot, I suspect she'd be more than willing to help with emotional issues as well. While Edgedancers cannot heal emotional or mental wounds, I think the point I'm trying to make is that she's incredibly warm-hearted and sympathetic to others' pains. She's not as clinical as Lirin is (though there's nothing wrong with his view point either).

Expanding on her using her powers for others, having a mom/caretaker who can make the entire ground the best slip 'n' slide??? A highlight, to be sure!

Moving on, I also believe that bonding a spren, especially if it happens when she's a bit younger, would be wonderful for Haruka. She mentions how it's hard for her to make friends, and her lack of childhood and her being treated like a parent of the other kids at the orphanage make for a really rough time. I feel like having a spren, especially a cultivation spren, would push Haruka to do better for herself.

You can't pour from an empty cup and all that. If Haruka WANTS to take care of her foster siblings, then she needs Kiryu to pick up the slack. She gets thrown into situations too often, and I do believe that having someone with her, on her side, and helping her would be so wonderful for her. Even if she makes the same decisions, I hope that having this near constant source of companionship would empower her. Her only companion for years being a grown adult man whose only reason for living is you, isn't the best source of self confidence.

I cannot see Haruka breaking her Oaths, and honestly with enough time I can see her becoming a full knight. While we don't know what the fourth and fifth ideals of the Edgedancer's are, we know that they weren't these grand people who beat 1000 dragons. As a simple woman who cares for her people a lot, whatever the ideals are I can see her making them with ease.

Especially with time and a support system, I can even see her making the ones that are far more personal and harder. I think in some regard, the peace she's found since the end of Yakuza 6 is such a huge strength to her that she can accomplish anything that gets thrown at her.

And that's my reasoning! Let me know if you agree or disagree! Like I said, I could see Haruka in a wide range of Orders, so I'd be curious to hear your opinions!

[my-writings-and-musings]

Hello there! This is my first time requesting anything, but I’ve read through a lot of your transformers hcs and I absolutely love your work! You attention to detail and the easy flow of your wording makes for a very comfortable read. <3

My I request Ratchet, Rung, Rodimus, and Fort Max with a sweet yet spunky mini-bot field-medic friend? They take self care very seriously and are always pushing for others to take better care of themselves.

Asdfghjkl omg that's so incredibly kind of you thank you so much!! I often worry about flow so hearing I'm doing a good job makes me so incredibly happy!! The story I wrote came out quite long so I went with just Fort Max and gave reader a lil jetpack to talk at optic level ^^

Fort Max

The ship's ramp closed slowly on the alien rainstorm raging behind the hulking mech as he stumbled into the cargo hold, cutting out the din of thunder and pounding rain to leave the two of you in comfortable quiet. One servo gingerly cradling his side, Fort Max looked quite worse for the wear. Dripping and exhausted, he didn't even seem to see you as he limped forward, making steady progress to the control panel instead of the small side room you utilized for repairs. Never one to sit idly by, you fired up your jetpack and zoomed in front of his path before he could get too far.

"Wait, Max! I need you in the medical bay!" you instructed, pointing to the door as you hovered at optic level. A quick glance at his injury revealed energon bleeding from beneath his servo, cementing your dedication to get him looked over and patched up.

"It's fine, Y/N..." the big mech sighed, sounding thoroughly worn out. Grimacing after another step, he didn't even bother putting effort into making his excuse believable, the pain of his injury evident in every syllable. "I can tell it's just a scratch."

"I'll be the judge of that." you retorted without missing a beat, crossing your arms to signify your displeasure. Zipping about to block his path, you refused to relent for even a moment, hovering like a displeased wasp ready to sting. Fort Max fixed you with a look too exhausted to be read as the warning he intended.

"I need to get the ship moving or we'll be late..." he said with another sigh, the first hint of surrender evident in his tone.

"I'll write you a doctor's note! Now; march!" you commanded, pointing to the doorway and puffing out your chest for maximum authority. For a moment you saw the big mech consider his options. While he definitely had the physical strength to push past you and take the controls, he certainly didn't have the mental strength to deal with the fallout. You saw the war wage in the depths of his optics before resignation swept over him.

"You're impossible, you know that?" he grumbled before doing as you told. Limping into the tiny medical bay, he sat down heavily on the edge of the berth, wincing as his injury protested every little move. Despite all of your frustration, you couldn't stop your spark from aching at his suffering. Primus, curse the soft spot you'd developed for this mech... Keeping your feelings to yourself, you flew in after him, hovering beside his injury as he laid back for you to inspect it.

"You're one to talk." you said as you started checking him over with your scanner, keeping the conversation going to distract you from your worry. Whatever he'd fought had torn off a sizable chunk from his chest and left the rest of his frame thoroughly battered. "Do you know what happens if you die? I'm too small to fly the ship, so I'll be stuck wherever your frame decides to give out. You don't want to leave your favorite minibot stranded, do you?"

"My favorite minibot, no." he replied casually, pretending it didn't hurt when you tenderly traced the edges of the wound with your digits. Looking down at you, he managed a tired smirk before he spoke again. "You, on the other hand..."

"You shouldn't sass the bot patching your sorry frame up. Not many would want the job." you replied with a wag of your digit before transforming it into a welder. Biting back your own smile, you got to work sealing up the worst parts of the injury, moving with precision to avoid any unnecessary pain. Max tensed at the sting, his powerful frame going rigid beneath your touch as he focused on keeping still. As always, your careful mending closed his wound and slowly lessened his discomfort. Within a few minutes he was more relaxed beneath you than when you'd begun. You took a lot of pride in being able to bring him even a small measure of peace.

When the last open part of the wound was sealed, you took a moment to consider what kind of patch would best encourage healing. In the time it took you to decide, Fort Max offered another rebuttal, his tender tone conveyor all the gratitude he knew you were owed. "There's no one else I'd accept. What other minibot is brave enough to boss me around?"

[basuralindo]

Chapter 10 of You'll Have Me Rise, You'll Have Me Fall is up!!

You can read it right here:

And there's some commentary in the notes but I have so many more thoughts and am gonna go on about them under the cut. Please read the chapter before looking through my commentary, but you're all welcome to interact about it on here

Okay, so, in roughly chronological order:

-Idk if the Jamil and Kalim stuff is coming off shippy, but that's not the intention. What I'm tryna present is the fact that they have no concept of boundaries with each other. Jamil was basically instructed, as a child, to look after this whole ass other child with way too little actual adult supervision, and it didn't go well.

-Jamil has a Very loose understanding of free will as is, considering his situation, and Snake Whisper has always been kinda just another tool used to desperately try to get through situations. The idea that forcing someone to not have nightmares without their knowledge or consent might be fucked up doesn't really cross his mind, because he's been doing it since they were little and Kalim always seems happier than when he's left to just deal with his own bad dreams.

-People tend to get stuck with the aftereffects of an intense trigger for quite a while after, and Jamil's behavior is definitely gonna be influenced more heavily by ptsd in the next few chapters.

-Yes, Jamil really is out here basically poledancing on that broom. Why? Because athletes are literally the least self aware people when it comes to doing weird shit with their bodies and I know this from so much personal experience. I also imagine that the brooms operate a lot based on the rider's clarity of intention. So Jamil being already very comfortable with heights because of playing on the carpet with Kalim as kids, and having pretty good focus with multitasking in general, he has very little issues with getting the broom to do what he wants. Meanwhile, Azul would be able to fly just fine, but he's so scared of heights he loses all sense of intention once he gets a couple feet off the ground

-✨Guess who never learnt what dyslexia is because royalty aren't supposed to have learning disorders!✨ Just wait till those two find out about adhd. (Also, major headcanon that Kalim self medicates with caffeine)

-Anyway THE TEXTING!! This is the part that I had no plans to write until going "wait, they should exchange numbers because duh" Then wrote the actual scene and went "wait omfg the teins would totally find that!" Anyway I'm glad I did because it was a lot of fun to write and finally breaks the ice between them all a little more. It ended up taking a lot longer than I'd expected to depict the sheer chaos of texting three people in the same room at the same time.

-I actually thought a lot about the texting patterns on this. Floyd writes in a hurry because his thoughts come and go so fast he just spits them out as they come, which results in spamming with a million short messages when he's actually in the mood to talk. He also canonly has this tendency to just say shit that makes sense in his head, where he has context, and doesn't get it when other people don't understand, so with texting that kinda comes out as not bothering with much punctuation to indicate tone because he knows what tone he's using and forgets that nobody else does. Azul on the other hand is suuuper neurotic about how he presents himself, and texting is no exception. Perfect diction, punctuation, etc. Uses autocorrect and then doublechecks the outocorrect. Jade figures Azul already put all the effort into establishing how to present himself flawlessly, and just imitates his style. (They're both wrong. Azul comes off like a car salesman, and Jade comes off like an alien impersonating a car salesman). I have a reason for this dynamic and I'm gonna go into it eventually in the fic. Jamil is just trying to spell things correctly and uses punctuation as normally as he can. He uses contractions and slangs even less over text because he's not confident in being able to spell less familiar words and doesn't wanna risk it. (He also uses contractions less in general around Azul because, while he tries to come off like he's mastered English around all his potentially hostile peers, Azul never mocks him for his speech so he's more comfortable about wording things awkwardly. Jamil hasn't noticed this consciously yet.)

-Jadeeeeee. This fic is slow burn in general, but it's definitely burning at different speeds for each of them, and Jamil/Jade is definitely the slowest. Neither of them are the kind to openly pursue someone without the other party initiating A Lot, and they're much more emotionally distant than Floyd or Azul. Also, Jade is territorial and Jamil is paranoid and it's gonna take a long time before they get anywhere near trusting each other. Despite that, they're finally starting to notice that they have some shit in common and actually enjoy talking to each other in all the convoluted mincy bullshit ways that nobody else wants to engage in.

-Yes, Jamil feels the need to conceal laughter and smiles even when he's alone in his room. No, he's not okay, but that's kind of the whole plot.

-Again, I just really enjoyed getting to write Jamil having a nice time?? Finally starting to think about the fact that he actually WANTS these guys in his life, for non-strategic purposes, just because they make him happier! I'm finally getting somewhere in this mess of my own making lmao

Anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk. I have a lot of feelings about these guys and I'm tempted to do more posts like this about previous chapters just so I can get myself to babble less in the fic notes

[nei-ning]

Now that I've finished reading book about autism, let me just tell you, it was VERY eye opening! LOTS and LOTS of things which match me!

Therefor I wrote everything down and now, I'm gonna do my best and translate the list here. It WILL be long so be prepared. There's few questions where I left my own answer. Those are marked with *

Disorder without impairment of intellectual or language functioning.

"This was it!" a decision of refusing to do something anymore

Inner knowing of being autistic but still not knowing / realizing it

Anxiety, endless hole in the stomach

Sentences / words get stuck to play in the head as a loop

Anxiety feels like an another living being who lives inside you

Always felt of being different from others

No any help from anti-depression medicines and countless of therapy sessions

Trying to fit in women's most common mental health issues: Is this guilt after all, shame, too strong desire to please, super conscientious all the way to exhaustion, reaching for perfection, having eating disorder while hating her body. Maybe just chronically depressed? I'm none of these.

I don't care what others think of me

I can manage but only about those things which I'm interested in

I ignore everything boring

My human dignity does not depend on my body

Is sleeping difficult? No since I fall asleep every evening like a sauna lantern (saunalyhty)

Fear of not being believed

I can behave. I warn I can fake and maintain a facade.

I want to be honest and open

When talking, words fall on the floor and are forgotten there. I feel powerless since it feels like none understands me.

I'm often angry when others don't get it what I mean

I'm in a contact with other people more than I could handle

I like to talk long about the same subject and I don't like it when the subject it changed quickly.

Difficulties with eye contact

Hard to work together since others don't think like I.

Others' slowness is infuriating.

I don't like repeating things. Saying it once should be enough

In social situations I act and fake. I fear people.

I can't handle of being interrupted. Example: If another person on the phone wants something else than what I have in mind in that moment.

I don't like changing plans

I get tired easily and need breaks often

Few powerful objects of interest. Many things don't interest at all

Oversensitive to sounds (always wearing headphones)

I'm smart on certain things but on others completely useless

Can't survive from simple calculations or can't follow simple instructions

Challenges in routines. Taking a shower and brushing teeth are very challenging. I can manage but it's very challenging / demanding.

Everything practical and physical demands a lot of efforts

(Small) Talking is difficult since I never know what to say

Autism is caused by biological reasons and is heavily inherited

Autism is not an illness / disease. You can't train yourself out of it and there's no medication to it.

Difficulties in communication and social interaction

Limited behavioral patterns and targets of interest which can, for example, lead to it that routines are important and changes difficult

Senses can be over- or undersensitive.

Autistic has to reason that what others can do naturally

Strong sense of honesty and justice

It's easier to focus on details than on a bigger picture

It can be hard to start a tasks or end them

Most autism tests are made for MEN only

Do I like to play games? Yes (PS4 etc)*

I pay attention on cars' register plates? Yes*

Numbers fascinate me: Yes and no. (I believe in angel numbers so in that sense yes, otherwise no)*

I don't enjoy reading belles-lettres: No, I don't.*

I enjoy gathering information about different subjects, like cars: Depends (I like plague / Black Death!)*

Do I like social happenings and meeting people: No

I have to rest and recharge long after being social

Autistic girls couldn't handle changes, didn't know how to shower, couldn't get their teeth brushed, were extremely sensitive to sounds, got temper tantrums at home, slept badly and they had no friends. They were lonely girls who didn't play with dolls but broke them or only brushed their hair.

To autistic child being held by force / against their will in order to calm them is very damaging. Touch feels uncomfortable.

Autistic understands everything literally

Parents never asked at home how school day was so I learned not to speak about myself

Using words wrong infuriates

Do you feel the need to share your experience with others or is it irrelevant? - It's not if nothing hasn't happened. I don't feel I have anything to tell.

Autistic is strict about details

Music, writing and drawing helps autistic person to release tension

Autism can also be caused by "mother's coldness" which has caused child to withdraw and shutdown.

Autistic girls are handy (drawing, making jewelry, hobby) or then they like animals (or both)

Focuses so hard on drawing (for example) that forgets to eat, go to bathroom etc.

Synesthesia (seeing colors or forms when listening music, getting a taste of something in mouth from words, music, people etc. Example: I once saw a man on TV and he tasted like beetroot!)

Doesn't feel like fitting in society's roles, like how you should look

No connection to body

Periods surprise every time

Doesn't realize being sick

Eating disorder is common on adult autistic people

Connection to anorexia

Overwhelmed by sounds and lights. Can hear fridge's humming or kids outside even that windows are closed. Chat happening at the back of the bus, neighbors. All sounds flood in brains.

Remembers a lot from what s/he has heard

It's important for autistic person to control the situation

Stimming: A way to express emotions. Can appear as sniffing something, stroking pleasantly feeling items, movement (exam: dance), singing, repeating words, biting / chewing, listening sounds, pulling lips etc.

Hands need to re-learn things constantly (like how to peel potato)

Hands can survive from small tasks, not from big ones

Hate towards it you should constantly be doing something

Hard to be around people who are constantly moving, their movement(s) gets on the nerves (aka pisses off)

Doesn't invite anyone to visit them since visits are exhausting

Addiction of routines. Same food every day, each summer the same vacation destination, doing things in specific time because then you can prepare yourself for them.

Easier to understand self-made instructions

Cleaning little by little (task per day) so that housework doesn't become overwhelming

Talking rudely to yourself, keeping yourself stupid

Hard to interact with others' conversation. Usual respond is weird look and: "What?"

Fight / disagreement with a parent. Doesn't get along with father or mother

Laughing at things which others don't get

Perfect rest from sounds and movements (exam: No TV on)

Desire to intervene in matters (exam: baking) if result is not perfect

Lack of sense of direction

Unable to try new route to a market (fear of getting lost)

Anxiety which comes from familiar thing having something new or strange in it, that I haven't "grow up" but stayed "as a child".

Doesn't understand why people scream in concerts, games etc.

Difficulties of getting a female friend (for female autistic persons)

Lack of empathy

Cognitive empathy: Doesn't understand how to react in certain situations

Can do emotional empathy

Let's others decide

Doesn't have strength to go through the same things over and over again with a friend

Easier to get along with boys

Ready to sacrifice a lot for a friend

Fictions affect deeply (exam: as a learning material)

Too critical

Constant collisions and misunderstandings with people